My Natural hair story is a long deep physical and emotional one.
I
went natural for two reasons, the most obvious one is I have always
loved natural hair. Really, at the age of 17years old, many many years
and years ago lol. I wanted to go natural when I met a young lady my age
who was natural but I was not strong enough to fight the cream crack
and I relaxed my hair again. Now jump a couple years later. Now the
second is the hardest for me to talk about, in December 2009 I was
diagnosed with a life changing and rare syndrome that truly affected my
life, personally, socially, mentally, and physically. I had Spine
problems and got Diagnosed with the worst cause scenario CES. Caudia Equina Syndrome effects the nerves in your spinal canal in a damaging way. I had a herniated disc that was bulging 80% in my spinal canal, one icy snowing day I slipped on some ice and fell. Before slipping on that ice I was in pain all the time I'm talking on a scale of 1-10 I was a 20 everyday. When I slipped on the ice, I had no pain no what so ever. At first I was like yes, but being in healthcare I realized that was not a good thing. I called my doctor and after speaking with him I was scheduled for emergency surgery the next day. It was a
roller coaster. After the surgery I learned I had some sever nerve damage. I was unable to use the bathroom on my own and I had to learn to cath in order to go to the bathroom. Among other things Im just not ready to talk about.
I cant tell you at the age of 32 how dark my life felt, I couldn't believe I was going through this at such an early age. This was not how my life was suppose to be. I am a social butterfly, I loved to do things with my friends and family. I loved playing and be crazy with my girls,but once this happened I pretty much stayed in my room and cried all the time. Or I would smile with my family because I didn't want them to know how mad, upset, frustrated or how much I hated myself. I felt I was a burden to them and how dare I be a Debbie downer. It was not fair to them. So I hid and I lied so that they wouldn't worry about me.I had more bad days then good, and I felt I had no
control of anything in my life.
At the time I was rocking Sew in after
sew in for about 3 months. I realized in February that I had'nt gotten
my hair relaxed and transition. It was then I decided to go natural.
After I was done with the sew ins, I would flex rod, braid and flat iron
my hair. I got the Brazilian Keratin treatment and then I realized
that if I wanted to rock my hair natural why was I still wearing it in a
relaxed state by way of the BKT and Flat ironing it. So I joined
natural hair communities, watched a million natural hair videos on
youtube and talked with friends and family who were natural and I began
learning how to take care of my natural hair and what I needed to do as
a transitioner. In May 2010 on Mothers day I decided to Big chop my
hair. I had washed my hair and was going to put it in a pony tail but
when I saw those beautiful curls I wanted to really see them without
those raggedy straight ends. So I grabbed a pair of scissor and cut my
hair! It was drastic, it was not part of my 1 year transitioning process
but at the end when I looked in the mirror All I saw was Beautiful!! I
loved it and I will never got back. What I saw in that mirror was me
in my most natural state they way God made me and I realized that all
this time the definition that I had in my head of what I thought was
beautiful was not mine. That is what keeps me on my path abd now what
motivates me to stay naturally beautiful.
Soon after that
my daughters Jazzy and Rere decided to go natural with me as well. We
have been on this journey for 3 1/2 years and We love it!!
It took an emotional diagnoses to get me where I am now, and even though I still have CES I have more Better days than bad. I take each day at a time and I know that God only gives you what you can bear!! I don't share this for sympathy I share this for someone out there that may be in a space that I was in where you felt lost, alone, weak. I want you to know you are stronger than you know. And the one thing that will help you is Pray, patience, love and support.
